Labor Heavyweight - 23 August

MONDAY 23/08/10

9:00am

In Canberra. Eat only things left in room for breakfast. Scotch and sugar lumps.

9:30am

Meeting with Arbib. Cannot understand smear campaign against him and other heroes of Labor party. Has some REALLY good Rudd leaks which will totally convince electorate we were right to knife him.

Doubt fighting leaks with leaks will convince electorate. Worry Rudd might tell media we joked about naming the psychiatric wing of a hospital after Bob Katter. Would make negotiations awkward.

Arbib agrees not to pull leak trigger.

10:30am

Meet with Gillard and Arbib. Arbib tells Gillard he's going on QandA, tells her is good chance to finally put case to electorate as to why party can be trusted.

Gillard insists he not go on QandA.

Arbib thanks Gillard for suggestion, but he's good at this politics thing.

Gillard tells Arbib that when time comes to put face to faceless men, does not need focus group to know it should probably not be Arbib's face. Tells Arbib she is PM and it's her call.

Arbib says now is not time for radical party reform. Gillard tells Arbib that No means No.

Awkward silence.

Arbib worried voters will think he is pussy, wants person to replace him to look like him, suggests David Bradbury - Arbib will give him lines to read before show.

Gillard going to negotiate with independents, wants me to handle Adam Bandt.

Afternoon

Arbib calls. Furious that Iemma attacked party. Wishes he hadn't already rolled him as Premier. Wants to know if Iemma holds any public offices we can remove him from. Joke to Arbib that only thing he hasn't taken from Iemma is superannuation.

Arbib going to start making calls.

Arbib really good at hating.

Note to self, do not rely on state pension in retirement.

Evening

Adam Bandt calls. Has faxed through extensive list of demands. Thank Bandt. Very worthy list. Tell him Prime Minister Gillard is happy to support them if he can get Bob Katter to agree.

20 minutes later

Bandt calls back. Quite angry. Says Katter was racist, sexist, homophobic, all before saying hello. Katter demanded Bandt promise to never visit his electorate, in case his influence rubbed off. Katter only willing to meet Bandt in place with lots of people and where Katter will always have back to wall.

Bandt says Gillard must consider demands.

Welcome Bandt to real world. Tell Bandt price of living in real world is dealing with people who have tenuous grip on reality. Tell Bandt he's lucky Katter didn't think he was a flying fox.

Bandt says if I don't agree to demands he will re-consider his support for Labor government. Tell Bandt if he likes I can transfer him to Abbott right now. Bandt needs to talk to Mr Brown before he can make decision.

Greens are like child who has just found out Santa Claus doesn't exist.

This entry originally published at BigPond News as part of their Federal Election 2010 coverage.