Labor Heavyweight - 9 to 11 August

MONDAY 09/08/10

Fly to Perth. Airline food is fantastic.

Spend day meeting kids.

Evening

Just got off flight to Adelaide - turn phone on. 59 missed calls from Swan.

Call Swan. Swan has found "rabbit in the hat" that could derail Libs. Cannot discuss on phone, will discuss tomorrow.

TUESDAY 10/08/10

Morning

Fly to Canberra to meet Conroy. Feast once again on Qantas muffins. Must organise all flights for meal times. Can see why people live like this.

Swan meets me at Canberra airport. Swan hands me suitcase. Walk with Swan to car. Swan tells me to open case.

Case contains 8 page document by Shadow Finance Minister Andrew Robb costing Labor's promises. Swan has been up all night "destroying Andrew Robb's career".

Has identified typographical, grammatical, AND stylistic errors. Headers and footers are inconsistent and he has discovered something: Robb does not know how to use semi-colons.

Swan will unveil in press conference.

Convince Swan to only focus on typographic errors. Concerned that Swan's bookish image will become terminal if he shows powerpoint slide of headers and footers.

Swan is terrier like; effective, but slightly over-enthusiastic.

Late morning

Drop in to Conroy's office to see how he's going prepping for debate with Shadow Communication Minister Tony Smith.

Conroy standing on desk wearing bandana. Staffer shouting technical questions about broadband policies.

Conroy taking debate very seriously.

Ask Conroy what Liberal's policy on broadband is. Conroy shows me Youtube video of Moose taking a dump. Conroy says that's the Liberal's policy.

Conroy says he doesn't need help prepping: "I have spent the last year fighting Google, Yahoo, and the US State Department. I. WILL. BE. FINE."

WEDNESDAY 11/08/10

Morning

Back with team in Melbourne. Policy meeting in morning. Need something other than "stopping the boats" for people of Rooty Hill or tonight will be awkward.

Call Bob Carr. Carr tells us to build rail line... AND cut immigration. Ask Carr why he didn't build rail line. Carr hangs up.

Line up press conference. Work experience kid (Kid) asks if he should invite Kristina Keneally.

Grab Kid by collar. Tell Kid I would prefer he ran through press conference naked than invite any member of New South Wales Government. NSW Labor's record on transport is on par with Robert Mugabe's record on inflation.

Kid acts surprised at comparison.

Think about it.

Tell Kid that on reflection, no, NSW Labor's record much worse. NSW Labor so unpopular they could not even rig upcoming state election.

Afternoon

Keneally shows up at press conference.

Ask Keneally how she found out about event.

Keneally follows Latika Bourke on twitter. F&#k twitter.

Tell Keneally she had her chance to build rail link. Tell Keneally big kids are having go now. Tell Keneally not to let door hit her on way out.

Keneally refuses - tired of being ordered around by hacks - is taking a stand. Says she runs New South Wales. She's turning out just like Nathan Rees.

This entry originally published at BigPond News as part of their Federal Election 2010 coverage.