Liberal Frontbencher - 8 to 9 August

SUNDAY 08/08/10

Evening

Abbott Press Secretary (APS) tells me to go to airport, can't tell me where I'm going but says I might want earplugs for plane. Ask why all the secrecy? APS doesn't want anything leaked to Bishop.

Call wife. Tell her am going to Nauru. Wife surprised at coincidence, wife's bookclub just finished reading book about Afghan refugees, 'Kite Runner'.

MONDAY 09/08/10

7:00am

Awful flight with Scott Morrison - should have taken up offer of earplugs. Morrison began flight loudly singing "Real Action" jingle. Presently snoring and leaning heavily on my shoulder.

Greeted on tarmac by man with "Scott Morrison" sign. Is President of Nauru. Thank President for taking time out of busy schedule to greet us. President doesn't mind, will finish chess game with Treasurer later.

8:00am

President drives us to Parliament. Parade in our honor. Meet Minister for Detention. Minister introduces his four teenage daughters, Toni, Tonette, Tonina, and Abbey, all named after Abbott. Ask why? Explains that he renamed children when he heard Abbott was re-opening centre.

9:00am

Meeting to discuss cost. Morrison says Abbott has authorised him to spend $2 billion. File Hockey gave me says we have $2 million to spend.

Minister for Detention thinks half a billion should cut it. Minister for Refugees not sure, thinks $3 billion safer bet. Minister for Australia Relations thinks $100 million. Other Ministers shush him.

Call Robb. Robb has allocated $8 billion for Nauru. What? Robb apologises, he accidentally added a few zeros, figure is $80 million.

Nauruans disappointed, but understand.

9:30am

Wife calls. Has been speaking to book club about Nauru, has list of questions for me to ask. Will call back for answers.

11:30am

Tour detention centre. Shockingly dilapidated.

Group of children in detention centre? Minister explains this is Nauru High, or soon to be renamed Morrison High!

12:30am

Arrive at actual detention centre. Ask wife's questions:

Where will the children be kept?

Minister says children kept in main dorm. Morrison interrupts and says I should not worry - refugee kids are tough, already absorbed maximum amount of trauma in Afghanistan. Nauru is like holiday park to kids. Besides, still better than drowning at sea.

Ask about the 40 people that became suicidal and had to be airlifted out of Nauru during Pacific Solution. Minister interjects; says that there were no suicide attempts during Pacific Solution, though there were a significant number of arts and craft injuries, according to Australian Department of Immigration. Morrison adds that as bad as attempting arts and crafts in Nauru may be it is still better than drowning at sea.

Evening

Wife calls. Give wife answers. Wife unsatisfied.

Put wife onto Morrison. Morrison uses arts and crafts line. Begins apologising almost immediately. Morrison gives phone back to me, thoroughly chastened. Wife thinks entire Shadow Cabinet should read 'Kite Runner'. Assure wife will raise with Abbott. Hate being wedged between party and wife.

This entry originally published at BigPond News as part of their Federal Election 2010 coverage.