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Comedians Toby Halligan and Mathew Kenneally reveal the internal workings of Federal Parliament with their exclusive access to diary entries from within the halls of power.
Press Release - Monday 31 October 2011

Qantas is pleased to announce that the Flying Kangaroo has been granted its wings once again.

Qantas CEO Alan Joyce declared that "Last night's decision by Fair Work Australia to terminate all industrial action was a great victory for the right to take, and the enduring power of, industrial action."

The victory was met with delight in the Qantas Boardroom, with chants of "the Directors United Will Never Be Defeated" filling the air.

The Government body will provide a binding determination to Qantas and the unions as to the best way forward. Qantas is delighted that the State is finally intervening in a dispute that the free market was clearly incapable of resolving. It is of considerable regret to Qantas that this did not occur earlier.

Mr Joyce went on to say that "Anyone who finds that their cries for justice fall on deaf ears today knows that if they stand by their principles, have the courage of their convictions, and control one-half of Australia's airline market, they will be heard. Specifically by Fair Work Australia, even after midnight on a Sunday." Mr Joyce urged ordinary people to follow the example set by Qantas and stand up for themselves, unless of course they work for Qantas.

Qantas would like to clarify that the closing of the airline was an absolute last resort. The Board considered various alternative actions including:
  • occupying the offices of the Transport Workers Union;
  • negotiation; and
  • an indefinite hunger strike.
The Board concluded that these options failed to provide Qantas' loyal customers with the same level of certainty that a sudden, total shut down of the airline would.

Qantas appreciates the loyalty of its customers, and we were touched by the solidarity many displayed when they spontaneously occupied Qantas terminals for extended periods of time over the last 48 hours.

We were there with you in spirit, for we are the Spirit of Australia.